Look like you send 5.14 without ever leaving the coffee shop. Premium, medical-grade prosthetic calluses delivered to your door monthly.
posted 2 mins ago
"Bro, did you see Mike's hands? Smooth as a dolphin. There's no way he flashed that V3. He's probably an undercover marketing exec."
You bought the expensive shoes. You wear the beanie in 90-degree weather. You strictly drink oat milk cortados. But your hands betray you.
Nothing kills the vibe at the brewery faster than a handshake that feels like you moisturize. In the climbing world, skin damage is currency. And you, my friend, are broke.
Our patent-pending Dermo-Grit™ technology replicates years of granite abuse in seconds.
Molded from the hands of actual Yosemite dirtbags. Includes authentic fissures, yellowing, and embedded chalk dust.
Our industrial adhesive withstands nervous sweating while you explain beta for a route you've never climbed.
*Actually, they definitely aren't. But that's the price of looking hardcore. Use your nose to unlock your phone like a pro.
Monthly deliveries. Because fake calluses peel off, just like real dignity.
Just enough roughness to say "Yeah, I climb" without ruining your silk sheets.
Thick, yellowed skin that snags on polyester. You look like you live in a van.
Basically shark skin. You can sand furniture with your palms.
Please wait while we calculate how desperate you are for validation.
Your Crazy Calluses Kit has been added to the cart. We are currently backordered because *everyone* is faking it.